But before they (and you) know what has happened, they're back at it. They repeatedly promise themselves and you that they will stop certain behaviors and for a short while they may keep their promises. Sexual or romantic promises are made but not kept: Sex and porn addicts are highly compulsive in their behavior.If it feels like your romantic partner is using you as a sex object rather than trying to grow closer and bond, addiction may be the cause. They are sexually focused but emotionally detached: Even in a relationship, sex and porn addicts tend to be noticeably more focused on sexual activity than on the development of intimate emotional connection.If caught in a lie or secret, they often try to cover it with more lies. They may also protect their electronic devices and online accounts-even things as seemingly banal as Facebook-as if their lives depend on it. To this end, they may keep secrets and tells lies about where they've been, who they were with and for how long. Sexual and romantic secrets: Sex and porn addicts typically do everything possible to hide their addiction, especially from the people closest to them.Sexual preoccupation/obsession: If your romantic partner seems overly focused on sex, and that focus is interfering with other aspects of life-not just romance, but work, school, friendships, hobbies, and the like-that is a strong indicator that sex and/or porn are being used addictively rather than as a way to connect.Here are five signs I suggest indictate a sex or porn addiction: And even if addiction is not the culprit, some type of intervention may be needed. If you consistently spot more than one or two of these indicators in your relationship partner, there is a strong possibility that an addiction of some sort is in play. None are definitive, of course, but if you consistently see more than a few of these, you might want to speak up.Ĭommon signs for all types of addiction can include emotional withdrawal, deceitfulness (lies and secrets), unwarranted mood swings, diminished self-care, trouble at work or in school, financial issues, declining physical or emotional health. Some of these indicators apply to all forms of addiction others are sex and porn addiction specific. If you think that you may in fact be in a relationship with a sex or porn addict, there are a number of signs to look for. And it's likely that you, rather than your partner, will be the first to bring the issue up in conversation. If you are currently involved with someone and you find yourself wondering why the relationship feels a bit (or a lot) off-kilter, especially related to sexuality, an addiction to sex or porn could be the culprit. Nearly always, as these individuals work toward behavioral change, we eventually work together to uncover and deal with their early-life trauma. What I see, however, is a behavioral problem that can be rooted in unresolved early-life trauma-a 'numbing out' mechanism run amok-the same as we see with alcoholism, drug addiction, compulsive gambling, compulsive video gaming, compulsive spending and the like. If you've encountered such a person, especially in your dating life, you may think about them as weak-willed, perverted or selfish. Either their compulsive sexual behaviors are creating relationship and other life consequences, or they can't step away from porn long enough to create a life. For example, you might seek therapy for help dealing with your boss and work situation, only to discover and address undiagnosed depression or some other disorder.Īs a sex and intimacy issues specialist, nearly all of my clients show up with one of two presenting issues. Every therapist understands that a client's presenting issue is merely the tip of the iceberg, and that quite a lot more will need to be uncovered before the client will meet his or her goals for coming to therapy.

Often, they're surprised to discover that there are a bunch of underlying issues driving their presenting problem. As a therapist, people come to me for help with their most pressing concerns-the ones right in front of them.

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